4GY-arr -- WE RISE!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
2:27 PM

Homework assignment:
A letter to Heaven

Written by
Phan My Linh

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-oTdrfTYzRPe9iFknKEbpRaw-?cq=1&p=119

My dearest Gerry,

I miss you, as I always do but this moment seems a million time harder as the church bells are singing their merry songs; Champaign has been poured, two people in love have already said “I do!” in front of God. You must be happy to know that: Denise, our best friend gets married today. On making the toast, I cannot stop myself from thinking about us, about our wedding and above all, about the love we had together.

The smell of fresh flowers, the taste of well-kept wine, and the view of a beautiful ceremony can not comfort me or make me feel any better but in fact they make me feel even lonelier. My heart breaks whenever I wake myself up from the dazzling dream that you are still here by my side. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that you had already gone and would never be back?

“Finding someone you love and loves you back is a wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is even a better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what.

They said nothing lasts forever but I am a firm believer in the fact that for someone, love lives on even after they are gone.” Some people wait their whole lives to find their soul mate, but not you and me. I asked God millions of time why He was so kind to let me have you in my life but yet so cruel to take you away from me.

I thought I could never live without you. I felt like dying, reminding myself of the fact that I would never again run my fingers across your soft hair, never again be woken up by your fits of sneezes each morning, never again laugh with you so much that my stomach would ache…

I was a dreamer walking aimlessly in this busy life. I hated meeting everybody; I hated the way they looked at me as it reminds me that you have left me. I just wanted to be in our house, surrounded by our memories, to hold your blue cotton sweater so your familiar smell struck me.

When I was desperately alone, penniless, when I was so miserable being lack of 3 euro to pay for the internet fee, I called your cell phone, crying my eyes out, knowing that you would never be able to come and rescue me anymore. Outside people keep moving on with their lives but behind the front door, to me, time stood still since the day you went away.

I would go on living like that until I found your 10 letters, one for each coming month that I was going to face without you. Each one signed “Ps: I love you”. Life goes on. Each month was a new task that you wanted me to fulfill so that I can gradually move on. I longed for the next month to come so I could open the notes to fool myself that you were still with me but I was scared to realize that the letters were getting fewer and fewer as time passed away.

In May, you embarrassed by asking me to sing in a karaoke bar, which then helped me a lot getting back my confidence. June came; I hated you for making me get rid of your belongings. But you are right, I don’t need them to prove that you existed and still exist in my mind. In November, you forced to get out of my comfort zone to go for a ball.

As following your guide, with the help of my family and friends, I found myself laughing, crying, singing, dancing and being braver than ever before. I get back to work and fall in love with my new job. I believe you will be proud, knowing that I am now able to pay for all my own bills.

“Don’t be afraid to love again…” was what written in your last notes. You always told me what to do, but you never told me how to. You taught me that it is possible to move forward for life, and that true love lasts forever. My heart still loses its beats, my cheek still goes red, my tears still fall down whenever I read your notes: “Ps: I love you”.

My dear Gerry, because of you, I am hopeful that one day, all my sadness, all my tears will be replaced by happiness and laughter. One day, there will be spring in every step I make again. Don’t blame yourself for making me so much in love with you. Because of you, I have the strength to move on.

“To love someone, you should learn to let them go”. My dear Gerry, my soul mate, my husband, my love, my life, I once promised you there would come a day when I am able to let you go, to love again, to dance in the moonlight.

I told you that day would come soon as it does now. I want to keep you forever by my side but I cannot be selfish. I never want your soul to wander around this world worrying about how I may have to struggle with my life. Though it is so hard to let you go, now I know I can stand strong on my own. I don’t want to hold you back from the heaven where you belong.
I want you to know that my love for you is endless.

Even though, later my heart may give a small space for another person. Even death cannot do us part, then nothing and no one can. Darling, it is not the end of us yet but a new beginning. As you always told me: “Life is for living, love is for giving…” Pray for me, watch every step I make. My life is still a long long road ahead, I don’t know where it will lead me to but I know wherever I am, you will be in my heart.

Now I have to stop, but I have no clue to where I am sending this letter to. Is there any post man who is willing enough to send my letter to you in heaven? As the wind gently passes by now, I feel you every where. I felt as if you were right here wrapping your arms around me, kissing my cheek, whispering in my ear the three magical words that I have heard you said thousands time in my dreams: “I love you”.

So I give this letter to the winds, hoping that they can bring my love to you… high above…in heaven

Yours, now and forever

Holly

Ps: I love you

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